THE ELDERLY NOBLE

So I read somewhere about this fiction novel that focused on the changes in the Egyptian society in the past few centuries. The writer is Muhammad al Muwaylihi. A passage struck me as very illustrative. The main character of this novel is an author who goes to the tombs outside of Cairo for inspiration. One day, he sees an elderly noble who steps out from one of the graves. After introducing himself, the noble asks the author to go to his house and bring him his horse and some clothes. The author respectfully replies that he does not know where the nobleman lived.

The elder noble gets mad and says:

'Tell me which country are you from, for heavens sake? It's clear that you are not an Egyptian. There is no one in the whole country who does not know where my house is. I'm Ahmad Pasha al-Manikali, the Minister of War in Egypt.'

The author replies:

'Pasha, believe me, I'm from pure Egyptian origin. The only reason why I do not know where you live is that houses in Egypt are no longer known by the names of their owner but by the names of their street, lane and number. If you would be so kind to tell me the street and lane number of your house, I will go there and bring you the things you ask for.'

I find this story very interesting. I feel that certain changes have also occurred in our community and the broader Pakistani society that in some ways parallel the changes illustrated in the above passage. Especially concerning the traditional roles of our women. Think about this: Previously women were known as 'munnay ki amma' or 'umme-fulan' (mother of someone) or 'bint-e-fulan' (daughter of someone). Now they are also known as Dr. Masooma and Miss Fatima (as a teacher or a newscaster, for example).

Take another example. Girls in our Khoja families used to get married at 15-16 in the past. I am thinking about the marriage age of our grandmothers and mothers. Now, the marriage age is rapidly increasing: I would say about 19-20 in our Khoja families, generally speaking(, and among many Syed families, about 23-25 or so. In Iran, I would guess 24-25 as the average marriage age for women in major cities.)

Now, is that good or bad, that's another discussion. The point is that our culture is changing. Our society is changing. The traditional roles of being a mother, a wife, a sister, and a daughter are now accompanied by new social roles of being a doctor, a teacher, a journalist, and a social worker.

Are we ready for these changes? How are we accommodating to these new roles? I am thinking about the different kind of pressures that a girl faces in our community if she is 22 and not yet married. The subtle comments that elder aunties would pass, which many times are out of benevolence and true concern, often make the girl feel that her life has come to a stand still. There is no purpose, no meaning in life anymore for her unless she gets married and advances to the new role of being a wife. I am also thinking about many girls that leave their education in the middle after they getting engaged or married. Sometimes because they feel they have gotten too busy. Sometimes because their husbands or husbands' families do not like them to pursue higher education ('aakhir usay bachchay hi to paalnay haiN').

I mean to present the above examples only as illustration to state the issue. The transforming role of women in our time and in our community is something we need to assess urgently, especially if we are concerned about issues like generation gap, growing number of divorces and marriage conflicts in our community. If today our girls have aspirations for higher education or participation in the larger society or have made ideals for prospective spouses, it is not very useful to blame media for all this and do nothing about understanding these issues. Those that are concerned sometimes only emphasize traditional piety and traditional roles for women as a solution. For example, they would engage or marry their son or daughter at 15-16 while these youth may still be in secondary school or in the first year of college. These youth may not have a good idea of what they want to do in their lives, what kind of spouse they are looking for, what kind of family arrangements they prefer. They suddenly find themselves in the midst of everything. Especially in the girl's case, the in-laws then play a major role in determining the activities and goals of her life - for example, the extent of which she can pursue her education. No wonder we are seeing more and more cases of marital conflicts and divorces in our Jamaat. Some others that are also concerned about this issue, especially among the youth, tend to get reactionary at times but often do nothing more than expressing frustration and rebelling in various forms. That doesn't help much either.

I really feel we need to adequately assess the changes happening in the social organization of our societies. And instead of falling into one or another camp, we need to develop a third way that is true to Islamic values and considerate of modern changes.

(December 24, 2006)